Bar mitzva and engagement in Nabeul

In memory of Mrs. Kuka Uzan Z"L, for the warm welcome and the willingness to share

Name of speaker: 
Kuka Uzan
Gender of speaker: 
Female
Occupation of speaker: 
Housewife
Age of speaker at time of recording: 
71
Speaker's country of origin: 
Speaker's community of origin: 
Language: 
Conversation topics: 
Documentation: 
Yehudit Henshke
Year of recording: 
1996

Translation: 

A. Oh. The engagement? There are people who arrive in order to create a match for the bride. They are arraigning her marriage. The mother in law arrives and introduces them or […] if both of them show interest - they meet. […] If and when they show serious intentions, the mother in law arrives carrying a present.

B. You don't say present. You say -

A. Bring a present. A present. Yes. She offers her a necklace and sweets. During Hanukka she pays her respect, and offers her debla, makroudh and manikut for Hanukka. She also brings her a red handkerchief and something gold.

A. Aha.

B. Yes. During Hanukka. And Yom Kippur. When Yom Kippur ends, the family of the bride gives the groom a present.

A. Ah. Yes.

B. We were in Nabeul, to each his own.

A. All right.

B. Yes.

A. Did they write a ketuba?

B. Oh, ketuba. Some created something similar to that. My divorced sister in law, her father demanded to write in the ketuba that if someone retracts, his friend must pay such and such.

A. What is the name of this ketuba?

B. It is similar to the ketuba of engagement. But we have no part in it. Only the bride does, while the groom orders it.

A. Oh, you don't take part in it?

B. No, we don't. He is from Gafsa, and she was supposed to marry him.

A. Right.

B. This is how they do it in Gafsa.

A. Do what? Sell property?

B. Yes, they sell property to each other. And whomever regrets it, his friend has to pay for him. I don't know how much.

A. Do you also call it property?

B. Yes, we call it property. Later on, when the wedding takes place. I remember, during the night of the ḥenna, before my wedding day, rabbis came to the house and wrote a ketuba. Then, they took it somewhere else, so that they could read it on the night of the blessing.

A. Oh. On the night of the ḥenna they will write the…

B. Yes. I remember this from my personal experience. On the night of the ḥenna.

A. And… the ring

A. The ring is for the wedding night.

B. And what do they write in the ketuba?

A. They say it. They talk about giving money to such and such, as well as houseware. The bride gives money, the dowry, to the groom. She also gives all of the houseware.

B. Really?

A. Of course, the houseware. […] or she would at least give a mattress, her own bed and accessories for the bathtub and the laundry.

B. And what does [the groom] give?

A. He either buys or rents the house. He also buys the furniture. Whatever is needed.

B. Oh

A. And that is it. Later on, he does the everyday shopping. In the beginning, the bride gives the money.

B. She gives everything. And how long do they wait until…

A. Several months. And if God helps, and the young woman is lucky, a groom arrives […] and takes her without any money. This is a gift from God.

B. Hahaha

A. Is it true?